The Cutie
by Tess 4 5
Summary: Ah, alcohol... The origin but usually not the solution to so many problems. But sometimes it will let the truth come to the surface. And sometimes it makes people act strange. How strange will Tommy Lynley act?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's usual notes and disclaimer:** I don't own any of the original characters nor the original Inspector Lynley Mysteries – they belong to Elizabeth George and the BBC. I have borrowed the characters from the TV-Show and solely own the ideas of _my_ stories and the developments _I've_ let them go through.

Please write a **P** rivate **M** essage if I did something terribly wrong so I can fix it. Thanks!

Please read and review! More thanks!

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 **Author's note and summary:** Ah, alcohol... The origin but usually not the solution to so many problems. But sometimes it will let the truth come to the surface. And sometimes it makes people act strange. How strange will Tommy Lynley act?

Great minds think alike. I dedicate this story to Cats. You've been inspiring, but - funny enough - not this time. I hope you'll like it. Enjoy...

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 **The Cutie**

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He looked at his Rolex. It was five past ten. Since she had not appeared until now he knew she would not come at all tonight. He emptied the second pint of beer and ordered a whisky.

Tommy Lynley, the great Detective Inspector at the Met, sat alone at the bar in the pub where he usually met with Detective Sergeant Barbara Havers, his best colleague and friend, when they had finished a case and put the files away. Tonight they surely would not have their usual pint here despite the glorious ending of their latest tricky case. He should have known that she had meant what she had said to him earlier about having a date and going out with someone else. And probably being out too late to drop by afterwards.

Tommy clenched his fist.

Earlier that day he had said something very wrong about the fact that she obviously was dating someone regularly. Tommy had said something so stupid he would not want to remind himself although he definitely should. And he definitely should apologise. He fidgeted with his mobile but decided it was no good idea to send a text message. He also knew she would not answer if he would call her. Maybe he should just drive to her home and knock at her door and apologise.

And if _he_ was there?

Tommy ordered a second whisky. He made it double because he felt entirely alone.

Actually he was alone. He knew it by now. No woman, and he did not count his mistresses from earlier days in, would stay at his side, not even his formerly loyal Sergeant would. And he knew it was his fault alone. This time his vitriolic remark had pushed her away from him. He hated himself to have said it. He should be happy for her but it only hurt.

Maybe a third whisky would wash away the pain inside.

Of course it was not. And the blonde woman in a dress so short one could call it a T-shirt finally had stopped tapping her high heeled feet against his bar stool making it deliberately accidental. Tommy had been tempted to forget Barbara by spending the night with an unknown woman but after a few words he realised he was not after dull words and a quick shag.

In fact Tommy ached to hold Barbara and to be held by her. He wanted to hug her like he had when she had heard of her mother's dead in the middle of another case. And he wanted her to snuggle into his chest like she had a few hours later back then when she had stopped sobbing. She had evenly breathed but when he had asked her with a whisper if she had fallen asleep she had answered she just needed to cuddle with someone. They had not gone any further than sitting on his settee like that while the TV had been running. She just had lost her mother - how could he even think about anything else.

Right now Tommy bitterly remembered that he had felt some strange sexual affection to his Sergeant that had not at all been appropriate at that time. It still was not right now.

Their relationship though seemed to have developed since then. They had met regularly, one could even call it dating. They had fun, they had been to the museum, to the theatre, to a football match even, although he only had agreed because she had come with him to watch a cricket match. And he had payed dragging her to some of his Shakespearean boredoms (her words) with watching the ABBA movie. They even had cooked together quite often and a couple of times she had spent the night in his spare room because it had turned late after working at a case at his home. Which also had become a beloved habit.

And then Daniel Clifford had appeared.

"Ah!" Tommy snorted in disgust. When he ordered his fourth whisky he already had lost count.

Detective Sergeant Daniel Clifford, soon-to-be Detective Inspector. The young, masculine, well-dressed, brawny and unfortunately witty man from Oxford who was on an experience building exchange in London. He had come into the office one day and every woman seemed to be smitten.

Including even Barbara.

Clifford even had managed to make her sign up for the Inspector workshops. Something Tommy had not achieved although he had tried everything on her. Even more so when he had realised she had started to spend her time with DS Clifford. Barbara had said they were just learning with a pint afterwards but Tommy could not quite believe that. There was a certain chemistry between those two.

He hated Clifford and he knew he was extraordinarily jealous but he still drank the next whisky on him.

If she liked him, then so be it. Obviously Clifford was doing her good. Barbara had blossomed out since she dated that man.

She looked good. She even was wearing more fashionable clothes. She still acted wonderful in every way and she had become so relaxed. But she had spent less and less time with him.

After he had ordered the fifth or sixth or still just the fourth whisky Tommy got up from his stool and had a really hard time going to the gents without bumping into everything.

In fact Barbara lately had been in such a better mood than usual, Tommy started to chatter to the poor bar tender who was already polishing glasses. The umpteenth whisky running down his throat Tommy told him all about Barbara. How she was as a police woman, as a colleague. What they did, or rather _used to do_ together. What a wonderful woman she was in general. That she was his best friend, his confidant, his rock, and after all these years or maybe exactly because of that time she still was his reason to get up in the morning.

He suddenly realised it on his own but someone else voiced it for him.

"Man, you love her!" the bartender said filling another glass with the expensive amber liquid and calling for last orders. There were only three guests remaining in the almost empty pub. "And you should tell her soon."

Tommy stood and grabbed the brass railing. "Whoo!" he exclaimed searching for balance. He downed his last whisky and shook his head. "Naaah..." he slurred. "I should go'ome 'n' sssleep! Tha... Thazzz... Sorry, Sir... Thatt iss iksackt - ICK - Bloody hell! Exacdly what... should do now. There'll be no - ICK - no Barb'ra laughing at me, nonono."

For a moment he stared a hole into the wooden surface of the bar. In the back of his mind he knew exactly that he was rather pissed and that he would be more pissed when the last two very quickly drunken pints of beer would settle their dose of alcohol into his system. Abruptly he turned. "Sssee you - ICK - later, my friend. And thank - ICK - you for the fish... hehehe... the whisky."

Fortune smiled upon him - a taxi still stood at the kerb in front of the pub.

"Bel-gur-ra-vee-ah." Tommy managed to say when he slumped into the backseat. Then he chuckled.

"Of course, m'lord." the driver mocked him and turned on the taxi meter with a grin. Tonight he would make two extra quid or three when he complied with the wish of that intoxicated man and drive him home with a detour through the noble quarters.

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	2. Chapter 2

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 **The Cutie - ch. 2**

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"Gooddeeev'ning, Barb!" He stupidly grinned.

"Sir! It's late!" Barbara looked at her watch with a blatantly obvious gesture but in the same second she knew it was irrelevant. The man outside her door was completely sloshed. He would not understand.

"Yah, yah..." her boss slurred wiping her objections off with a lame dismissive wave of his hand. "Bud's nottoo late to sssay'llo to a gooddole friend. Can I come in?" Without waiting for her answer Tommy simply walked past her and slumped down on her sofa. His head immediately fell onto the backrest.

Anger washed over her. Barbara already had been on her way to bed and just wanted to sleep now. She had had such a nice evening after which she had a lot to think about tonight. Tommy Lynley was the last person she needed at the moment. He would only disturb her thoughts too much in a way that was completely counterproductive. Especially in the state of drunkenness he was in. Once more she asked herself why he always came to her door when he was drunk or in one of his almost unbearable moods and why she still endured it but just when she was about to close the door she heard someone calling for her from the street.

"He, Miss! He's not paid yet!" The cab driver had lowered the side window and pointed at the meter inside of his car.

Barbara groaned in annoyance but grabbed her purse anyway. She had no ther choice and Lynley could give it back to her tomorrow. When she heard how much the ride would cost she was shocked. "What? Have you paid a visit to Land's End or what?"

"Well, we've started in Soho, then we were in Belgravia, then his Lordship seemed to remember where he should be and now we're here. Payday, huh? You shouldn't allow him to spend it all at the pub, Ma'am." The driver's grin was more than nasty.

With the most sarcastic undertone she could muster Barbara thanked him for his good advice, paid and slammed the door shut behind her.

The drunken Inspector still sat on her couch. His eyes were closed now and unfazed by the noise he obviously was drifting into sleep. Her angry voice though woke him.

"You owe me something, Sir." Tommy lifted his head and watched her. His face showed a dreamy smile that confused Barbara. "What?!"

"Ah..." he sighed. "Ev'n when you're angry... You're sso cute... all the time... wonderful... brave... and really-"

When he yawned Barbara knew she had to get him into her bed or he would sleep on her small sofa which was just big enough for her to sleep on. To get him home to his own house would be unmanageable right now so with all her strength and sweet tongue she withdrew the cushion from his hugging grip and manoeuvred him into the bedroom. Muttered curses and reassuring words that it would be best for him accompanied the silly endeavour. Barbara fought hard the urge to simply let him sink to the floor and it was not easy to ignore his juicy grin when she put an arm around his waist to steady him. His slurred question if she would share her bed with him was answered by her with just an inarticulated grunt.

In fact she was tempted to share.

In her bedroom the hard work unfortunately did not come to an end. Of course she could have let him sleep in his clothes but not with his shoes on and since she already had started taking off his shoes she continued helping him to partly undress further.

Barbara had dreamed a lot about undressing him, but in her imagination it never had been as unromantic as this. She also had seen more of his naked body before. But not like this in fact, feeling his skin under her own hands, watching his shirt falling onto the chair from her own hands after she had helped Tommy off of it. His trousers were folded slowly after she had helped him steadying himself while he laboriously had stepped out of the insidious piece of garment.

With him being half naked Barbara and Tommy finally stood very close and he grinned again while she blushed a bit. She felt caught. Her face though still looked grim. He still just grinned. He was aware of their closeness but, at least later in retrospective, he did not at all realise or simply did not care that his body reacted in such an intense way to the touches of her fingers.

Although she had not expected him wearing such underwear Barbara was glad that he had boxers on and not a tight slip. In retrospective, so was he.

Barbara almost expected he would hug her but he did not. He simply swayed and grinned.

"Bathroom!" she suddenly ordered turning away with his trousers still in her hands. "There's a new toothbrush in the cabinet."

And stuff she would not want him to see but now it was too late anyway.

"Yes, Ma'am!" Tommy already had stumbled through the door. Barbara only could hope that he would not poke fun on her about what else was in the cabinet or make a complete mess in her bathroom searching for the toothbrush. She had helped him undress but she definitely would not follow him in there so she took a blanket from her cabinet and the second pillow and prepared her place to sleep in the living room while he noisily rummaged through the bathroom. At least he had not fallen asleep on the toilet, or so she hoped. For a few moments it was rather quiet in there. When Barbara returned to the bedroom Tommy stood in the doorway to the en-suite, slightly swaying but grinning childishly.

"I's so cute!" he slurred. His chin pointed at the stuffed toy in her bed. "Can I cull... culddle it?"

Barbara rolled her eyes. She should have hidden it somewhere. Now he would have something to mock her about for the rest of her life. "Yes, of course, you can cuddle it. Now go to bed!"

Tommy pouted like a little boy but obeyed. Barbara helped him lie on the bed and get his legs sorted. A sudden hug pulled her down on him. "Goonight!"

He had pushed the air from her lungs. "Ugh! Easy!" she scolded him.

"You're so cute." His grin made her nervous, angry and impatient all at the same time.

"Yes, yes, now sleep!"

"Pomm... promm... pr'mise me you'll shtop going out, pleeease."

"What?!" What the hell was he talking of?

"Shtop... ah, nevah mind." His head sunk back into the pillow.

"And it's none of your business anyway."

"Yes. I mean no. You're right. Gimme a kiss!"

"Pardon?" Gradually the situation became unnerving. Barbara only wanted to get some sleep right now which would be hard enough anyway knowing her boss in her bed but Tommy still innocently grinned.

"A kiss!" he repeated.

"No." Barbara replied. "Sleep!"

"Not without a kiss." Tommy pouted again.

Actually Barbara could not resist. His wish was too alluring. She knew it would leave her in more turmoil than ever but in the morning he surely would have forgotten everything anyway. And it would not hurt to feel his lips just once, would it?

Yes, it would, she knew. Later when she was alone on her sofa it would hurt her. Much later when he would be back home in Belgravia and this little episode would be nothing more than a vague memory for him it would hurt her having only the memory of one kiss.

The memory surely would be carved into her brain forever but at least she would have this memory. So Barbara only hesitated a couple of seconds. Against all reasonable thoughts and better judgement she bent down and gave him a quick kiss on his lips. Fortunately Tommy in his drunken state was not quick enough to respond properly. Of course Barbara had made sure that he could not grab hold of her again and his reaction was too slow so his arms only hugged the air.

And Barbara's inner turmoil already had turned into a devastating storm.

"Now sleep." she murmured but Tommy made no move to get completely under the covers. His grin was broad and boozily defective. Surreptitiously Barbara looked across his naked chest. It would be so easy to just lie down next to him, she thought. Her soft blush fortunately stayed unseen in the dimness of her bedroom but her hesitation made Tommy look at her more serious.

After a moment he rather clearly murmured "I love you, Barbara."

Shocked her eyes went up to his face and Barbara looked him straight in his eyes.

" 'nother kissblease." The slur had returned to his tongue. It ripped Barbara from her stupor.

"No!" she groaned annoyed. She feared that this time he would be quicker and she would be slower. At the moment her mental health would not survive if she would be cuddled by him.

Tommy grabbed the stuffed Teddy and cuddled it against his face.

"Hmmm..." he sighed. " 't smells ssso good! Smells of you!"

"And it's of the same opinion that you should sleep now. Close your eyes and stop talking." Yes, he was completely wasted but he also was rather cute. Barbara shook her head in disbelief.

"It sinks you sh'ld gimme a kiss!"

"No, Tommy, it thinks you should sleep now!" Swallowing hard and making sure he would not be able to pull her down to him Barbara arranged the blanket over Tommy.

He only watched her and grinned. And grinned. She groaned. "What else?"

"You've called me Tommy."

"Yes. Because you behave like a stubborn baby boy who doesn't want to rest. It's late. We have to work tomorrow. I'm tired. Sleep now!"

Still stupidly grinning Tommy sighed. "Oooooh, you're so cute..."

Again Barbara groaned in annoyance and finally left him. She turned off the lights but did not close the door properly. In her living room she made herself as comfortable as possible on the sofa and then bit hard into her pillow. How come she even endured Tommy Lynley in the most inebriated state ever? He should call himself a very lucky man, she sadly thought. And she would spend the night alone on her sofa.

She could not find rest easily so when she heard a loud snore from her bedroom Barbara finally started to cry herself into sleep. Her confusing dreams woke her several times this night and every time she laid wide awake for a while, thinking about the man in her bed. It became a terribly long night.

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	3. Chapter 3

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 **The Cutie - ch. 3**

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Her bloody alarm clock had waken him up early. Unable to get back to sleep Tommy already got up with too less sleep after that drinking excursion the night before. Walking on tip toes he went past Barbara's still sleeping figure on the sofa into the kitchen where he had a glass of her interesting all-minerals-and-vitamins-included-drink. It actually helped him a lot to get rid of his hangover. He also made himself some toast with butter and a bit of salt and since she still had not woken up from the quiet noises he had made he decided to have a refreshing walk around the block before he would make himself a coffee. He had found her keys in a bowl near the entrance so he would not have to knock when he returned.

A bit later when she woke up Barbara instantly knew she had not heard her alarm clock. Of course not. It still stood on her night stand. Serves him right, she thought when she turned her still closed eyes towards the light that came through the windows. Tommy definitely would have heard it and it surely would have ripped him from his much needed sleep. Barbara yawned and stretched.

"Good morning!" she heard.

Barbara jerked. Then with wide open eyes she looked straight into Tommy's face.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up."

Fully dressed Tommy sat in her armchair. He even looked fresh and sipped at a steaming cup of coffee.

"What time it is?" Barbara asked instead of returning his cheerful greeting.

"I don't know. Morning. But you were sleeping so peaceful I didn't want to disturb you."

"Great. I'll be late for work now."

"Well, yes, it's a bit too late to be at the office in time. But I'll give you a letter of apology for your boss." His smile was disarming.

"Haha!" Making sure she would not reveal too much naked skin Barbara sat up, yawned again and then hurried to her bathroom. She had to ignore the broad smile on his face. Her boss may have been ripped from sleep by her alarm but he obviously had not the slightest headache or any other sign of a hangover. The mirror above the sink told her that on the other hand _she_ definitely had had better nights than this.

To her relief Tommy felt sorry that she had had to sleep on the sofa. He apologised when she returned a bit later and fully dressed. With her arms crossed in front of her chest she stood leaned against the doorframe. Barbara knew that her face mirrored the bad night and her still slightly present anger about Tommy's inappropriate appearance in the middle of the night.

"I seriously couldn't have sent you away in the state you were in, could I?"

"Probably not." He frowned apologising. "I came here by taxi, didn't I?"

Barbara only nodded.

"And you paid for it?"

"65 quid, Sir. Sixty! Five! Including a generous tip of course."

"I owe you a dinner." Again Tommy tried to give her a disarming smile but it did not work really well. Barbara still looked rather grim.

"You do."

"Wherever you want."

"Oh, I'll find some place." Her resistance against the contrite expression of his face started to fade.

"I have to admit I have a little mental blackout." Tommy took a long sip of coffee. "Did I do or say something inappropriate?"

Barbara looked at him blank. Where should she start? Should she remind him of his declaration? "Nothing, Sir," she choked. "you just slurred incoherent nonsense."

Tommy slowly nodded as if he recalled a few parts of the night. "Thank you for helping me to bed."

She blushed by the memory. "Ah, at least one thing you remember."

"Vaguely." His smile was askant. "But I know that I wouldn't have been able to undress myself alone."

Barbara blushed even more and this time Tommy noticed it. "And I really didn't say anything inappropriate?"

She snorted a disbelieving laugh. "Well, apart from asking me to kiss you several times, you've repeated over and over again that I'm cute, which is, in itself, inappropriate. I am not cute."

"Oh, you are, Barbara." He remembered her body leaning down to him. And he remembered her lips on his. "Cute, brave, strong, soft, wonderful."

A pause of silence filled the time. They stared at each other, Barbara looking confused, Tommy's face serious but still smiling.

"Loveable." he softly added.

Barbara sharply exhaled. She had not realised that she had held her breath. "Bollocks!" Straightening her back she turned to go to her kitchen.

Tommy called after her. "Of course you are!" Barbara did not answer so he went on. "And I have a faint memory that you actually gave me a good night kiss. I appreciate that, Barbara."

She still did not answer. How could she? Just tell him that she more than appreciated the kiss? Hardly.

"Oh, and I vaguely remember now why I was trying to find solace in alcohol."

"Aha?"

"I saw you dating Clifford."

He knew that he should not start like that. It sounded too much like an accusation and she had had enough of that earlier yesterday. He knew he simply should repeat what he had said to her yesterday evening but Tommy found himself being too cowardish. In the meantime Barbara had returned to the living room but stopped in the doorway.

"So, you thought you'd lose me to another man?" She sounded slightly disgusted.

"Would I? Lose you, I mean?" This conversation took a different way than Tommy had intended. He got up and made several slow steps in Barbara's direction. He had seen her involuntarily shaking her head just a little bit and it stirred up his hope. Maybe he could save the situation with the right words. "Well, it may look as if I'm suddenly wanting something... wanting someone who gets out of my reach but actually..."

She stayed silent and still made no move.

"Actually I very clearly remember what I've told you yesterday, Barbara, and I still mean it. It's not come over me _suddenly_ , but... I only suddenly _realised_ that I do. Yesterday evening when I was having a pint... and a few whiskies... and a few pints more... and pestered the poor bar man with stories he told me I should tell you... I'm sorry. That doesn't make much sense, does it?"

This time Barbara clearly shook her head. "Do you want another coffee before we get to work?" she asked.

"No, thank you. No, I don't want another coffee. I want to know how I could tell you what I want to tell you so you would believe me."

"Well, being sober is a good first step." She turned and went back to her coffee machine. Hearing nothing else from the living room she imagined him raking his hand through his hair. He usually did it every time he had no words. "Now, go ahead and tell me what is so important that it made you get royally drunk yesterday." Her voice still had a sharp edge.

"I... umm... well... You know, for several years we're more than close colleagues," he started an explanation. "and I'd say we were more than just good friends. You're my reason to get up in the morning and you're my last thought almost every evening when I go to bed." Tommy made a pause to gather his thoughts. Barbara did not turn. She fidgeted with her coffee machine. "For many years I thought I am a lucky man having you as my friend and confidant and even be able to see you every day even though on the surface it obviously was only for work. And the odd pint afterwards. And one or the other dinner. And function at Howenstow."

Barbara snorted but kept on staring at the water dripping through the filter without giving her aversion any words.

"I'm so entirely sorry about what I've said to you yesterday evening at work. Of course you can spend your time with whomever you want. I'm sorry that I've sounded as if you'd have to tell me when you have a date. I'm sorry if I appeared as if I want to regulate what you do after work. I'm really sorry. I'm even more sorry about my bad choice of words. It's just... Until yesterday night when I was sitting in the pub still hoping you would appear I did not completely realise what I actually have in you. I've taken you for granted. I did not even realise that I've stopped dating other women a few years ago. In fact until yesterday night I did not realise that I actually..." His voice turned lower and he made another little pause. "Until yesterday night I just felt lonely without recognising that all that I always wanted, all I ever needed was right there under my nose and by my side. That all I ever needed was you."

Barbara swallowed. She did not allow herself to even think about where his speech was obviously heading.

"Even my jealousy did not wake me and showed me what I really feel for you. I only felt stupid self-pity that I was not the only person in your life. I am a stupid man, Barbara. Can you forgive me?"

She could not answer. Tears stung in her eyes and a huge lump was in her throat. She had no clue whom Tommy could be seriously jealous of.

"Barbara, I love you." he desperately whispered. "I love you so much that I let you get happy with DS Clifford. I just wanted to let you know what I feel. It's not that I try to make you feel bad, I just see how you-"

"He's gay, you stupid idiot!" Barbara half sobbed, half laughed.

Tommy hesitated. "Gay? You mean...?"

"Yeah. We're going shopping and we're talking about men when we're out."

"Oh..."

Barbara still only presented him her backside. "About you, for example. He adores you."

"Oh..."

"And _he_ 's jealous of _me_."

"Oh!" Tommy's face turned into a grin and it was audible.

"He's said to me that I am a stupid woman not to see that you only have eyes for me."

"Oh... Umm... Well, he's right." Another silent pause stretched the time and her nerves. "Barbara, can we start this conversation again?"

Unnoticed by her Tommy had closed the distance between them and now he stood right behind Barbara. She could hear him breathing now.

"At what point?" she whispered with a croaked voice.

"How about 'Good evening, Barbara.'?"

She gave a nervous laugh but played along. "Sir, it's late."

"Not too late to tell you I'm sorry about my idiotic behaviour earlier, I hope. Not too late to ask you if I'm welcome here."

His right index finger tentatively stroke her upper arm.

"No, it's not, Sir. And you _are_ welcome. You're always welcome."

"Will you please turn, Barbara?"

She turned.

"And I also hope, it's not too late to tell you - properly and sober - that I love you."

"Not at all." she whispered. "Because I seem to love you too." Her anger, her fears, objections and questions were washed away when she saw his face instantly moving closer. Briefly his soft lips brushed hers with a gentle kiss. They both smiled. "Tommy." she sighed.

The following kiss was mutual but still tentative. Slowly they both explored each others lips and gradually moved closer against the other's body. For both it felt natural and as if it should have been like that for years. Gradually they also moved closer to the edge of the worktop until they realised that they already had gone a step further. The lower parts of their bodies obviously had a pace of their own. She clearly could feel him against her hips and he clearly could feel her bold hands on his behind.

"Shouldn't we go somewhere else?" he asked a few moments later panting and with their foreheads softly bumping. Then, with a seductive smile, he added "Somewhere more romantic? Not that I'd object but this here seems to be heading somewhere..."

"Well, what about Paris?" Barbara grinned in reply and for a short moment Tommy had to ask himself if it was a serious suggestion. His quick mind even thought about calling in a favour from a friend with a private jet but when the woman in his arms suddenly started to snicker he dismissed these thoughts. He kissed her more claiming this time.

"London is exactly where I want to be..." he murmured onto her lips. "...because I'm here with you."

"You're cute!" was all she could answer before his lips closed hers again.

They already had been late for work by then but it turned much later before they finally arrived at the office today.

Fortunately Barbara's boss accepted her explanation.

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